Finding your place in a relationship - The role of emotions

Finding your place within a private or professional relationship is sometimes complicated. For fear of rejection, or possible consequences there is a hesitation to assert oneself. Asserting oneself means expressing one's opinion, asking questions, saying no or proposing another solution.

Sometimes people don't say anything because they don't know how to do it.

They do not feel equipped to communicate effectively and calmly.

Some also don't know exactly what they want.

Fear, lack of tools or of clarity are elements that generate discomfort and stress.

Over time, when this situation is repeated, it has an impact on self-confidence.

Some have this difficulty in the professional context, others in private relationships and sometimes in both.

The first step to solving the problem is to reconnect with yourself, your emotions, needs and desires.

This is starting to change, but for a long time emotions have had bad press.

Showing or expressing emotions was seen as a weakness.

However, they are there and have an important role.

If they are not welcomed and named, they are either repressed or expressed inappropriately.

A child to whom a parent said , "Don't cry" held back his tears.

At that time the child needed listening, comfort or reassurance.

Sometimes a child holds back tears because he feels that his parentis not available or himself in a difficult situation that he does not know how to handle; so the child keeps his sadness to himself so as not to disturb. If it happens once in a while, it doesn't cause a problem. No parent is available and fit all the time.

My purpose is certainly not to look for a culprit, it is just explanatory.

I took the example of sadness but the process is the same with other emotions such as anger or fear.

If anger or fear are unauthorized emotions within the environment in which the child lives, he will find the best way to manage them. Either he will suppress or express them in an inappropriate way.

Moreover, we regularly observe, in the professional or private context, adults who behave in this way.

Reconnecting with your emotions is the first step.

This is not always easy to do because it means exploring unknown territory.

One may be afraid of being overwhelmed or afraid of having pain again. Because over time, emotions that have not been processed become painful. It is for this reason that they trigger reactions. Welcoming, naming and expressing emotions does not mean being emotional. On the contrary, people have emotional reactions because there is a bundle of emotions in them that could not be heard.

They form like a pocket and as soon as you touch it, with words or behaviors, it hurts.

That's why we say, "I'm hurt." As soon as we reconnect with them, welcome them and name them, the pocket gradually decreases.

On the one hand, it releases a lot of energy and we feel less and less hurt.

We can then act and communicate in a more effective and authentic way.